Secrets
by newyorkbabe
Summary: "Ponyboy, you're going to have to get away from me or I'm liable to kill you." Chapter 27 UP!!!
1. Kayla

Chapter 1 (please write what you think of it!)  
  
"Yeah, I can pick locks." I say. Kayla stands beside me, her golden hair is shining in the moonlight, and I kiss her. "Not now, Pony, please." She says it, but she doesn't mean it. "Sorry" I say. "What time is it anyway?" Kayla glares down at her watchless arm. Shit, I'm thinking, not the watch, too! "I don't know, and frankly, Pony, I don't care. Would you stop be so paranoid, you're making this no fun!" I know I should be at home, sleeping, but it just didn't feel right, knowing that Kayla was out there all alone. I flash one of my famous grins. "Oh, so now I'm being paranoid, is that it?" The lock I'm picking breaks loose and I open the door. "Good night, Ponyboy. Thanks for coming to get me. I.I just.I couldn't think of anyone else to call.and I.well, I figured you wouldn't mind." Her voice trails off. I can tell she's nervous. "I don't mind, I'm just glad you're okay now. Try to get some shut-eye, huh?" I hug her, and she shuts the big, wooden door. I walk home alone in the darkness.  
  
  
  
"Ponyboy," Darry is calling, "Ponyboy, get up NOW. Jesus, you're going to make us all late!" The sun is shining bright through the window in our bedroom, and I know that I must've gotten some sleep, but it sure doesn't feel like it. I crawl out of bed slowly. It takes a lot of energy to even walk to the bathroom this morning. I take a quick shower and head to the kitchen were I smell beacon cooking. Two-bit and Steve are already here, and already ready to go. I yawn. "You finally decide to get up? Golly, but you slept the whole morning away! Are you still tired?" I nod. Soda's first to see Kayla's purse on the counter. He doesn't point it out though, just acts like it's always there. He says, "Pony, is everything alright with Kayla?" He already knows what's going on, but he wants to hear it from me. "Never better!" "We're leaving in 5 minutes, Pony." Darry interrupts us. "Hurry it up." I grab two slices of beacon, put my shoes on, and head out the door. 


	2. The Secret's revealed

Chapter 2 (thanks for the reviews! Keep sending!)  
  
Kayla's waiting for me when I get to school, and Sodapop gets a hard look on his face. He just looks at me, then her, then me. He thinks that it won't work with Kayla and me. I knew he wouldn't understand. "Who's that girl, Pony?" Darry noticed how tense Soda got when he saw her. I shrug as if I don't even know which girl he's talking about and get out of the car. They drive off, and then Kayla starts in on me. "I'm not about to stay a secret forever, Ponyboy. You need to tell them. Especially Soda. He may not like it, but he's got to know." I shrug her off. "Chill out, will ya? I'm trying to tell them, but they're not going to approve. If Soda doesn't approve, you know Darry won't." "Why do you think they won't approve, huh?" She knows why. She knows what Soda thinks of her, and she knows why. The bell rings, and we go to class.  
  
Sodapop is waiting for me after school today, he's supposed to be at work. "Pony, get in the car. We need to talk." I get in, he drives off and doesn't say anything for a long time. He has this far-off look in his eyes, and I've never seen him so tense. Finally, he says, "What are you doing, Pony? Why don't you think about what you're doing? Huh? Darry's right, you know, you never use your head! You'd think by now you'd get it, but you don't. You think that it's really going to work? You think with you it will be different?" I don't think I've ever seen Sodapop so mad at me before. I'm scared to tell him that yes, I do think with me it will be different. Instead, I just shrug. "That's your answer to everything, isn't it. Just shrug it off and it will go away. Well, this isn't going away, Pony. You're going to get hurt and I don't want to see that happen." " I like Kayla. I'm sorry that you don't approve, but that really isn't my problem." Soda keeps interrupting me, he keeps saying, "Where are they, huh? In your pockets? In your backpack? Let me see your backpack!" And I just keep talking. "I'll just do it until Kayla loves me anyways, then I'll stop, I promise, I'll stop!" Soda is reaching in every pocket in my backpack. "Where are they? WHERE ARE THEY????" Finally, he stops searching. His hands stop grabbing. He just, simply, stops. He looks at me, not wanting to believe what he's known all along. In what seems like an eternity later, he pulls out the grass-looking substance wrapped in a small ziplock bag. He pulls out the drugs. 


	3. Marijuana

Chapter 3 (please keep the reviews coming, good or bad!)  
  
Ok, I've never given any credit to S.E. Hinton. They are all her characters and all great characters. This is written from Ponyboy's viewpoint, and it takes place about a year after the original story. This is my first fanfic, so I'm even willing to take flame letters, just as long as I can figure out how to make my next fanfics better. Ok, on to the story. Enjoy!  
  
  
  
The painful look on Soda's face kills me inside. He's not really angry anymore, even, just disappointed. Disappointed that my grades are slipping seriously. Disappointed that I won't see things his way. Disappointed that I'm ruining my life for one girl, one girl who, in Soda's eyes, isn't worth shit. Disappointed in me. "I have to tell Darry. You know I have to tell Darry, don't you? I've known for so long, now. I just never had a way to prove it. If you think I haven't noticed the empty spot in bed, night after night. If you think I don't know how it feels to be so in love you'd do anything to keep her- you know that I've been there." His voice trails off again. I wonder what he's thinking, wonder if he's worried about me or if he's just worried that if I'm caught, him and me will have to go live in some home somewhere. Maybe he's even silently wishing I'd just disappear. Maybe if he prays hard enough, I'll be gone. "Darry doesn't even know I'm going with Kayla, he thinks we're just friends. And that's all I want him to know, so butt-out, will ya?" Help me, soda. I silently pray. Tell Darry. Make this all go away! God must've sent the message because Soda says, "Well, he's about to find out that you're not 'just friends.' I'm not goin' to just stand by and watch you ruin your life, Pony. If you think I am, you're sadly mistakin'." Thank God for that!!!!  
  
  
  
Soda drives around a while, thinking and taking this all in. Then he goes to the gas station, buys himself a coke and picks up Steve. As they get into the car, I say, "I'm thirsty, too, Soda, can I have some of your coke?" His answer catches me off guard. "Oh, sure you can. I want to get high on drugs, too, you know. Can I have some of your damn marijuana?" Steve's eyes' get real big. I can't tell if he's about to laugh or if he's actually worried. Most everyone I know would shut-up right then and there, but not Steve. He just says, "Marijuana? Ponyboy? That doesn't make any sense, though. Not even Dally took Marijuana. And Ponyboy's always been the good one out of us all. So, if Pony's takin' Marijuana, then." Soda's getting' as sick of hearing Steve go on as I am. "Steve, shut-up, will you? I'm trying to think.to figure things out. It would help quite a lot if you would just shut-up." And Steve does shut-up. Real fast. We drive quietly the rest of the way home.  
  
  
  
Soda sits in the car for awhile, then he asks Steve if he can go, and that he may not be at work tomorrow. After Steve leaves, Soda says, in a calmer voice then he's been using, "You need to get ready for this, Ponyboy. This isn't like anything you've ever done before. Darry's going to be mad, real mad. Madder than he was when he hit you because you came in so late. Madder than the time you tried alchol and got drunk. Do you hear what I'm saying, Ponyboy?" I nod. "Then come on. We'll have to tell him sooner or later, and now's as good a time as any." I nod again and get out of the car, readying myself as best I know how for what me and Soda know is coming. 


	4. Broken

Chapter 4 (thanks for the reviews! Keep sending!) Ok, now, all the characters are Hinton's characters except for Kayla. She's mine but not like me at all. Promise.  
  
  
  
"What took you guys so long to get home?" Darry is making dinner and watching T.V. Soda clicks the television off and says, "Darry, you'd better sit down. And don't lose your temper, whatever you do, don't lose your temper." He reaches in his pocket and pulls out the Marijuana. Darry stares for a long time, then takes it from Soda and studies the substance. "Where'd you get this, Sodapop?" "I'll tell you in a minute. First, promise you won't lose your temper. This is bad enough without you losing your temper." Darry looks directly at me. "This is Pony's, isn't it?" His voice is still calm, but it won't be for much longer. "I said, THIS IS PONY'S, ISN'T IT???" I nod. Darry stands up, looks at me in disbelief, and then he says, "It's for that girl, right? That girl that was waiting for you this morning, right?" He's nearly screaming out, and I'm shaking, because I'm scared. Scared of what Darry's going to do. Scared of what he won't do to get me out of this. But mostly, I'm scared this will be what breaks him, the final straw. "Isn't that girl Kayla as in, Kayla, Sandy's sister? Damn it, Pony! That girl was in jail twice in the past year for possession! Possession of illegal drugs like the ones you're carrying around RIGHT NOW!!!!" He's right. It is Sandy's sister. And he's right that she's been in jail for possession of illegal drugs. But one thing he must've forgotten is how cute she is and how sweet she can be when she's not high. He forgot everything that made me fall in love with her, and that made me mad. He should be yelling to me about ME! Not about Kayla. This was MY choice; she didn't force me into it! "Hey, Darry, lay off, huh? You don't even know her. You'd like her if you knew her. I'm the only one you need to worry about, so don't worry about her. Just worry about me!" "I'm sick of worrying about you, Ponyboy, and I don't want to do it anymore. I'm not going to make you quit, I can't, and I'm not even going to try. But if you get caught with them, it's YOU who's going to get sent to a children's home. It's you and Sodapop. Then I won't have to deal with either one of you and maybe I can get rid of the memories of when I DID have to deal with you and I can live a good life, a happy life. Go ahead, take your damn drugs! Enjoy!"  
  
I'd been wondering how he'd respond. I guessed he'd probably hit me, or ground me, or maybe even send me to some shrink somewhere to help me get out of this. I never expected him to just throw in the towel. I never expected him to give up on me, to actually give me permission to take the drugs. I guess he was just tired of trying. He probably just decided enough was enough! He'd had to deal with so much in the past year, none of it his doing, and maybe he's just done too much for someone his age. So he just broke. I can't say I blame him. 


	5. Strategy

Chapter 5 (thanks for the reviews! Keep them coming, good or bad!)  
  
Soda and me sit silently for a long time. Soda finally says, "He didn't mean it, Ponyboy. He's just mad. You knew he'd be mad." But Darry hadn't just said he didn't want me anymore, he'd also said he didn't want Sodapop anymore, and that hurt. "All you have to do is quit. Do you think you can do that?" "Soda, I can't stop. I've tried. One time, pretty early on, I did quit for about a week, but then I needed it again. I need it more than cigarettes, more than chocolate, and more than Kayla. She got me started, but it's ME who can't seem to quit!" He stared at me. I realized at that moment that it had never occurred to him I was actually addicted. He took this as a bump in the road, never thought I wouldn't be able to quit. "I'm sorry, Sodapop, I'm really sorry." Soda looks down, as if the sight of me is too painful. "How could you have let this happen, Ponyboy? You were so smart, doing so well in school, so good at track. We were all just about over Dally and Johnny's death, and then you had to pull this. I just don't understand, won't ever understand, how you could have let this happen. I just.just.I don't get it." Darry reentered the room. "Ponyboy, you're grounded for however long it takes us to get this thing under control, no less than 6 months. I mean no NOTHING after school. I already called the coach. No track. No seeing anyone 'cept for me, Soda, Steve, and sometimes Two-bit. No movies on the weekends. And NO seeing that Kayla girl." Sodapop looks at Darry, questionably. "And just how, exactly, are you going to KNOW if he comes strait home after school or if he stays out on the weekends or if he sneaks out at night. And by the way, Kayla goes to his school. How are you gonna know if he's off it or not, Darry?" "I'm doing everything I know to do, Soda. I guess he'll have to go with Two-bit after school most days. Two-bit normally goes to the gas- station anyways. He'll just have to stay there with you." Soda shakes his head. "Nope. I have to work, Darry. I don't have time to baby-sit Ponyboy. Sorry." "No, Soda, I'm sorry. We don't have any other choice. Unless you want Ponyboy and you to go to a children's home, you're going to have to help." They're acting like I'm not even there, like this conversation doesn't include me at all. So I say, "Hey, I don't need a babysitter, I'm fine all by myself. Just, oh, I don't know, just send me to the school counselor or something. And don't make me stop seeing Kayla. She has nothin' to do with this." Darry and Soda both look at me like I've lost my mind. They don't think it will work, they need more convincing. And as for Kayla, they just don't like her because of what Sandy did to Sodapop last year. I'm losing my cool. "Ponyboy, you can't kick this alone. And Kayla, well, Ponyboy, she's bad news. I'm sorry, but you're gonna hafta stay away from her. Believe me, you'll live." Sodapop was giving me one of his This-is-the-way-it-is speeches. "How come? Lord knows you're not the world's best at staying away from girls that you know are bad news. And Darry, I thought you didn't even care about it. That IS what you said, isn't it? That you were sick of dealing with me and you weren't going to do it anymore? That you weren't even gonna try to get me to quit? And now you've decided to just make my life stop. I don't need a babysitter, Darry. I just need to have the freedom to make my own decisions. Can you just give me that?" "I have, Pony. You screwed up. I know what I said but it wasn't true. I'm going to help you however I can. But this is the only way I can come up with and you're going to have to deal with things MY way." I feel my face getting red. "Trust me, Darry! You used to trust me! Can't you find it in you to just trust me?" Darry shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Ponyboy. I can't." 


	6. Alone

Chapter 6 (please review good or bad when you're done reading. Thanks)  
  
It's still dark outside. The moon is only a crescent, and it's real hard to see. I get out of bed silently; I don't want Soda to wake up. He'd be really disappointed in me if he knew what it was I had to do.  
  
I tip-toe out of the room, stopping to pick up my bag. I glance at the clock on my way out. One a.m.  
  
I walk up the road about a block and turn left. Kayla's already there, her hair is up because the wind is so strong and she's sitting there, waiting? No, not waiting. I didn't ever tell her I was coming. I would have, but when Two-bit found out about the Marijuana, he started treating me like a two-year-old. If I talk to anyone that's been in trouble for ANYTHING, he threatens bodily harm not just to me, but to who ever it is I'm trying to talk to. Darry told him to do that.  
  
No, she didn't know I was coming. And yet, there she sat, ready for a night out. "Kayla? Kayla, what are you doing out here?" She glares at me for only a second, than says, "So, what, you're suddenly allowed to see me now? Is that it?"  
  
Someone walks up to her, puts his arm around her, kisses her soft, red lips. She smiles the way she used to smile when I kissed her.  
  
"Are you ready, baby?" the strange man asks her. She nods and they walk away, together, without me. Because I'm not supposed to be here at all. I'm supposed to be at home, grounded. 


	7. In denial no more

Chapter 7 (Keep the reviews coming!)  
  
Walking home alone, in the darkness, I realize then how deep a love goes when there's an addict on one side of the relationship. But there wasn't one addict, there were two. And I was one of them. Me. I was an addict. God, that was so hard to believe, almost impossible.  
  
I open the front door. The light's on and Darry and Soda are sitting up, talking. Darry looks at me. "Where'd ya go? Huh? We thought about following you, but Soda didn't know when you left. He just woke up and you weren't there. Where in Hell did you go?"  
  
"I went to see Kayla but-" Darry interrupts me, "You're not allowed to see Kayla, Ponyboy! You're not because you can't handle the freedom of being able to."  
  
He gets up, gets right into my face and in as calm a voice as he can, says, "You've got to stop this, Pony, you've GOT to! You're ruining your life, not to mention mine and Soda's and you've got to stop."  
  
"I went to see Kayla, but she was with someone else. She just decided I wasn't good enough anymore and left me. She just left me--- me and my addiction. I only ever started for her, and I didn't mean shit to her. I've lost the girl I love, but I'm left with this damn addiction. Lucky me."  
  
I run out of the room, into the bedroom and bury my head in a pillow. I can hear Darry and Soda talking in the living room. "What are we going to do with him?" They're saying. "Do you think he's too far gone?"  
  
No, I'm not too far gone. I know now that I DO need help. I've got to find a way to get some serious help. I can't let my life go on like this, living one day after another, always hoping to find a way out of the grounding I've been in.  
  
I decide now's as good a time as any. I make myself get up, force myself to go into the living room and tell them that I, Ponyboy, strait A student, star of the track team and a real good writer, that I need help because I can't do this alone. I know that I need someone to help me fight or I'll lose. And I can't lose, not this battle. 


	8. The door

Chapter 8 (thanks for the reviews! Keep sending please) Ok, S.E. Hinton's characters, only Kayla is mine right now.  
  
"Ponyboy, did you finish your homework?" Darry's just going through the evening drill, making sure I've done everything I'm supposed to do so that I can be in bed by nine.  
  
"Have I got anything better to do?"  
  
"What's his bed-time anyway? Nine?" Two-bit's in the kitchen, trying to find the chocolate cake. There's no beer here anymore, because Darry's taking every precaution he possibly can to make sure I'm out of reach of anything he doesn't want me having, and so Two-bit's learned to find the cake, instead. "Nine 0'clock, man, that's a little harsh, Darry. Even for you."  
  
That's how it's gonna be for a while, though. A long while. Until Darry trusts me again.  
  
The door-bell lets out a loud BUZZ! "Ponyboy, get the door." I've found ways of disobeying Darry all week and tonight's not going to be any different. "I'm only allowed to open the door, though. Once it's open, I can't even say hi, and that's just not polite, ya know? I think you should go ahead and do it." Darry gives me one of his you're-pushing-it looks, but before he has time to say anything Soda comes flying down the hall. "Wasn't anyone gonna answer the door?"  
  
We both just look at him. "Fine, I'll do it." BUZZ!!!! "I'm coming I'm Coming, just hold on!" He opens the door quickly and says, "Yeah?" but then he pauses, continuing to stare out the door.  
  
"Sodapop? Hi! God, it's good to see you again!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"It's me, Soda! Don't you remember?" I get up to see who's there, that voice sounds so familiar.  
  
Because it is familiar. It's Sandy. She looks tired and worn, but that's not like her at all. I always remembered her pretty, delicate, and overly- make-upped. She used to have a smile like her sister's, gentle and priceless. But then, she didn't used to have that baby in her arms.  
  
Darry notices her about the same time I do, and he's not happy about it. "What the hell are you doin' here?"  
  
"I came to see Sodapop, Darry, not you."  
  
"You've gotta lot of nerve showing up with that baby."  
  
"Yeah, well, I don't have anywhere else to put her so you're just going to have to deal with it."  
  
Sodapop informs her that it's funny she should be here for him because he was just thinking about leaving because of her.  
  
Two-bit picks now to give up on his search, (there's only so many places to look for cake in our house.) He comes into the living room at full speed, than stops. "Sandy? You here 'cause of Pony's being involved with Kayla, or are you here to try to get us to adopt that baby? Because if you want us to adopt the baby, we can't. See, we're all real good-looking and if we're gonna adopt a baby, it has to be good-looking too, so as to keep up the tradition going. Sorry."  
  
I'm trying real hard not to smile at his comment, but the look on Sandy's face makes it just that much harder to. I can tell Darry's trying not to laugh, too. Sodapop's not laughing, though. And Two-bit's just standing there, innocently.  
  
"Ponyboy was with my sister? I didn't know, she never said anything. I thought she was with Gary, or at least that's who she introduced me to just a few minutes ago."  
  
Finally, Sodapop says something. The very first thing he's said to Sandy since she got here. He just said, "Yeh, he was with her. She's the one who got him started on Marijuana. That sister of yours is just like you. She knows how to use someone, too." 


	9. Reflections

CHAPTER 9 (thanks for the reviews! Keep sending, good or bad)  
  
All characters are Hinton's except for Kayla, but you already know that so on with the story. I've been thinking about doing this for awhile, but I just decided to do one chapter here and there of how this is affecting Darry, Sodapop, Two-bit, and Steve.  
  
******************Darry**************************  
  
I'm not quite sure what made me change my mind, to go ahead and try to help Ponyboy. I think I must've already known, somewhere deep down, that something was wrong with Pony cause of how he'd been acting. But then again, I've never really understood Ponyboy. One day he'd be fine, the next he'd be acting strange. So it was hard to tell when something was bothering him.  
  
I think I really knew his first day of 11th grade. He got home real late and he didn't eat much at all. The main thing I noticed, though, was the red. Red all around his eyes, in his eyes. Veins, his eyes were full of thick, red veins. And he took a whole lot of aspirin that night, didn't even try to hide it from me like he usually does.  
  
Yep, that's when I knew. But I didn't want to deal with it then, so I pretended it wasn't there. Then Soda had to come home and prove to me that it was.  
  
*************************Sodapop****************************  
  
Some days he'd walk in looking like a robot, going through all the necessary movements to keep me and Darry from finding out. It wasn't hard to figure out what was going on, though. Sometimes he couldn't balance real well by himself, and so he'd sit down and claim his stomach hurt. Other times he'd be real happy, like, crazy-happy and he'd run too much and yell too much and then he'd stop because the drugs had worn off and he was his self again.  
  
But I tried to trust him. I didn't want to believe that my own kid brother who knew me best in the whole world would do that to himself for just one girl.  
  
When he got up that night to go see Kayla, I woke up, too. I went into the kitchen for a glass of water, my head hurt real bad. I figured Ponyboy would be in there too. At least I'd hoped he would. That's when I saw her purse, lying on the counter. I'd picked it up and rummaged through it, finding make-up, house keys, and Marijuana. The necessities of life.  
  
************************Two-Bit******************************  
  
Marijuana. Ponyboy. That's what Darry told me, that Ponyboy's on drugs. I'm not sure why, but that just doesn't seem possible to me. At first, I didn't even believe him, but Darry's not the type to kid around. Especially about something like this.  
  
We were almost over Dally and Johnny's death, and I guess that the world decided it wasn't good for us to be happy for any amount of time, so it threw this at us. I'm worried about the little guy, he's not like the rest of us. He's easily influenced.  
  
Not to mention how extremely selfish he's being. Not only is he giving Soda and Darry an extreme head-ache, but now there's no beer over there anymore, and that's just wrong.  
  
************************Steve*****************************  
  
Sodapop sure has a funny way of telling people bad news. He wanted me to know, but he didn't want to tell me. I couldn't help but think how interesting it was, a turn of events, so to speak.  
  
But it was awfully upsetting to Soda, and so I had to be a little upset. Not that I want Pony to be an addict or anything, it's just that I've rather enjoyed him being grounded. It means there is less of him around. He used to be there every time I turned my around. It's nice.  
  
***********************Darry**********************************  
  
I'm not sure what Sandy was expecting, but I'm pretty sure she didn't get the warm welcome from Soda that she wanted. She always tries to be so, right. It's just annoying how she always wants to be right. And she's not always right. And she hates it when she's not.  
  
I used to like Sandy a whole lot, but she nearly killed Sodapop inside. She left him and at the worst possible time. She knows too much about him now, what he likes and what he doesn't. He's told her about our parents and about why he quit school. She always said she understood. Apparently she didn't.  
  
So, yeah, of course I'm mad at her. But seriously, what kind of person comes to her ex-boyfriend's house with the baby she conceived from someone else while dating him?  
  
*************************Sodapop**************************  
  
What was there to say? She was standing there, acting like no time has passed at all. I think she expected me to forgive her. And I might've, about a year ago. But now, now, I'm stronger. I don't love her. I hate her. She used me and her sister used Ponyboy and I hate her and her family.  
  
It just made me feel weird, having her there, her new baby wrapped up in her arms. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if she'd said yes. I'd be a step-dad. But maybe Sandy wouldn't have told the baby I wasn't her real dad. Maybe I'd actually be "Daddy."  
  
I'm glad she said no. Two-Bit's right. I'm too good for her. Or, at least too good looking.  
  
****************************Two-Bit**************************  
  
No chocolate cake in the whole house. Sure, they TOLD me there was no cake, but I didn't actually believe them. I figured they were just hiding it from me because I'd already gone through three cakes that week alone. But there really wasn't any. Darn. 


	10. Counselor

Chapter 10 (wow, in the 2 digits. Sorry my chapters are so short. I just like to write that way better.)  
  
All characters are Hinton's except Kayla and her baby, which the baby technically is Hinton's, but anyways, on with the story.  
  
"When I first started, I was harder for me to concentrate. I lost my memory easily and would have trouble seeing clearly. Sometimes I'd have panic attacks, I was worried about everything all the time."  
  
The counselor is nodding, writing, nodding. Darry made me tell the school counselor, said I needed someone who understood this to help me out. I didn't want to. I'm afraid she'll blame it on Darry and me and Soda'll be taken away, maybe, maybe she'll.  
  
"Yes, that's what we hear from most young addicts. Marijuana sends signals to the brain that can make it hard to concentrate and even harder to recall and absorb new information."  
  
Maybe she'll decide it's not right for me to be in all these advanced classes. She wouldn't be wrong, my grades are going to hell. But I worked so hard to get to where I am. I was so proud of myself, so proud that I'd been able to do it, to get this far.  
  
"Ponyboy, are you with me? Are you thinking about what I'm saying?"  
  
I only got this far by hard work, lots and lots of hard work. They don't want greasers to get this far in school, but I'd beaten all odds and done it. Darry was proud too. I remember that night, how long ago was it? About a year, but God, it doesn't feel like that much time has gone by. The night Dally and Johnny died. Darry had said that I had to keep my grades up. He was proud.  
  
"Ponyboy, are you even listening to me? Our sessions won't help at all if you don't listen. Now tell me, what else are you noticing about your addiction."  
  
There was something between her teeth. What, I don't know. But it was distracting. What had she asked me? What else? So much else.  
  
"At first it didn't take much to get to feeling good. But as time went on, I needed more and more just to get the same feeling I used to get from half a smoke-full."  
  
She smiles in my direction. "That's normal, too. When the body becomes chemically dependent on Marijuana, it's normal to need more to get the same effects."  
  
Maybe that thing between her teeth is chicken.  
  
"Anything else?"  
  
"Listen, Mrs. Danner, I don't mean to be disrespectful but none of what you're telling me is helping."  
  
Her face scrunches up, her lips get tight. The thing between her teeth is pressed up against the outside of her top lip.  
  
"How about this? If you keep this up, Ponyboy, it's going to begin affecting your long-term physical health, if it hasn't already. You'll be looking at breathing problems, reduced blood-flow to the brain, and possible tremors. Does that help?"  
  
Too much. What she was telling me was too much for me to absorb. I needed a smoke, right then. But I couldn't smoke it in front of the counselor, the one trying to get me off it.  
  
So I got up and left. 


	11. The Joint

Chapter 11 (Please keep reviewing! You've all been great! This is my first fan fiction, so I was nervous about putting it on here. But you have all been great!) Kayla's mine and all that good stuff. On to the story.  
  
I expect the counselor to come out after me, but she doesn't. She just lets me leave.  
  
I wander through the halls and out of the building. It's cold outside, real cold, and I hold my coat around me tighter. I open up my Biology book, then take out my hidden joint.  
  
The night Darry had found out about the Marijuana, he'd come into me and Soda's room and emptied my backpack, my dresser, the closet. He'd been pretty thorough, just didn't think to look here.  
  
I take out a piece of paper, which is all I have to smoke it from, then I pour the Marijuana out onto it and roll it up.  
  
I need a lighter, but of course I don't have one, so I think hard. Two-bit has a lighter in his car. The window's rolled down, and I reach inside to grab it.  
  
I know I shouldn't light it. I've been doing really good, haven't smoked any for over a week. But I need it. Need it like plants need sunshine.  
  
Glory, but it does taste good. It's what I've been needing, and I think I deserve one more before quitting altogether.  
  
I'm thinking about what it was like right after mom and dad died. Darry had had to fight so hard to keep us. One reason was they didn't want him to give up his college scholarship. "I don't give a damn about the scholarship; you can't take my brothers away! I won't let you!"  
  
It's beginning to get hard to remember. The joint's kickin' in. And I get it. The feeling I've been missing so much. The freedom of all thoughts and the ability to be completely crazy.  
  
That's how I feel when I'm high, like I can do whatever I want to do. The world is mine to mold into any shape I please.  
  
I hear the school bell, but it doesn't occur to me that I should hide, at least not until Two-bit comes out and finds me there, leaning against his car, smoking Marijuana.  
  
"Ponyboy? What are you doin'? Get that damn joint outta your mouth NOW, boy! God, don't you have an inch of sense left in you?"  
  
I stare at him blankly. "Ah, come on Two-bit, chill out. It's not like I'm hurting anyone!"  
  
My sight is becoming hazy, like it always does. I giggle stupidly. "There's two of you, Two-bit! Two-of-Two-bit!"  
  
He shakes his head, then grabs the joint from me, burning himself in the process. He mumbles something under his breath, then screams at me to get in the car.  
  
"What am I supposed to do with you now? Huh, kid? I can't take you to the gas station, Soda wouldn't know what to do with you either."  
  
I shrug.  
  
"I guess I'll take you to my house. I can call Darry from there. He can figure it out; he IS your legal guardian."  
  
"How long were you smoking that, anyway? And where'd you get it?"  
  
My mind can't really put two and two together, and so I mumble something like, "My biology teacher gave it to me." 


	12. Brothers

Chapter 12 (Thanks for the reviews! Please keep sending and tell me what you think!)  
  
"What are you thinking about? Huh? You've always been a good kid, but now, your, your different." Sodapop frowns at me. I am sorry that it happened; I shouldn't have smoked it again. When Darry found out that I had, he panicked.  
  
Now here we are, at the dead end of the road. That's what Darry says, anyway. That if I don't quit after this, he's not sure what he can do.  
  
"What do you think mom and dad would think, huh, Ponyboy?"  
  
Soda's words pierce my heart. Mom. Dad. What would they think? They'd be awful disappointed in me. Darry's tried hard and done good, and they'd be real proud of him. Sodapop's gotten into the world, gotten a job, and stayed light-hearted and fun. They'd be proud of him. But me, they'd be real disappointed in me. I've let them down.  
  
The next step in getting me off Marijuana is that Two-bit, Steve, Darry, and Soda are going to be here along with the counselor. Then they're all supposed to tell me why I shouldn't take the drugs. Basically, they're supposed to pressure me out of taking them. I'd like to say it'd do no good, but maybe it will. It's the only thing I have left to hope for, that maybe it will help.  
  
I have an hour before they'll be here, and I really want to talk about something else for awhile. "Sodapop, how's Sandy?"  
  
I expect to see pain on his face, but there's none. "Bitchy, as usual. She wants us to get back together, says she doesn't care what her mom thinks, she wants to marry me and she's sorry about everything and that she loves me. It was kinda fun, telling her I didn't give a shit and to get lost."  
  
I blink and look again, making sure that that's my brother speaking, telling me that he blew off Sandy like that. "Soda, um, don't get me wrong, I'm on your side, but, well, weren't you a little harsh? It must've taken her a lotta guts to say that to you, and maybe you coulda let her down easier?"  
  
It feels good, talking about Soda's problems. It feels like no time has passed at all, like we're still as close as we used to be, before Johnny and Dallas died.  
  
"Nope, no easier way of telling her how I feel, I'm afraid. She did seem a little quiet after that, though. I went ahead and drove her home, but she seemed reluctant to tell me what's all going on with her in jerk-land. I think she must've been a little hurt." The sarcasm in my brother's voice is calming, almost fun, in a way.  
  
"Yeah, ok, as long as you don't think you were too hard on her." I smile in his direction, and surprisingly, he smiles back.  
  
We're quiet for a long time. Words are too painful right now, only silence will do. That way we can just sit and enjoy each others' company. But Soda eventually breaks the silence.  
  
"Ponyboy, I know that a whole lot has been happening lately, and it's easy to get caught up in life, and yes, you made a bad choice about Kayla. But, well, Ponyboy, I'm still real proud of you. You're really smart and you're going to go places in the world if you can get off these damn drugs."  
  
Soda stops a minute to think, but then he just says, "I love you lots, Ponyboy. No matter what happens, remember that." 


	13. The Meeting

Chapter 13 (Keep the reviews coming!)  
  
"If you think this is a game, Ponyboy, let me assure you, it is NOT! This is between you and your body, Ponyboy. Your organs, your heart, everything that keeps you going is suffering severely because of this."  
  
I nod.  
  
"Then I guess we will go ahead and begin. Darry, you are Ponyboy's legal guardian. What do you think about all this?"  
  
Darry looks at Mrs. Danner. He knows that whatever he says or does, she's watching, observing.  
  
"Well, I've pretty much told him what I think. It's stupid and it's going to ruin him. He's heard it all a thousand times."  
  
"Darry, have you ever told him how it makes you feel to know that he's 100%ly disregarding everything you've taught him about morals and values? Maybe if he could get into your heart and into your soul, he'd understand more thoroughly. Do you think you might want to give that a shot?"  
  
Everyone but me stares at her. Finally, Darry says, "Mrs. Danner, I don't think that Pony's "100%ly disregarding" anything. I think that this is something he's going to have to realize by himself. No matter how many big words you cram into a sentence trying to explain to him what he should and should not be doing, Pony's going to do what he wants to do, because that's just how Pony is."  
  
Mrs. Danner stares at him in shock for a minute. She can't believe anyone who's anyone (and especially a 22-year-old greaser) would talk to her that way. "Then why, Mr. Curtis, are we here?"  
  
"Because I didn't know what else to do, Mrs. Danner, and you can say that that's because I'm too young or too irresponsible, but I don't think that anyone on this planet could MAKE Ponyboy stop."  
  
Mrs. Danner smiles and stands up. "Well, Mr. Curtis, maybe if I give it a go I can find someone who would know what to do. I guarantee he won't be able get his hands on marijuana at the Norman Child Adoption Center, and I'm willing to bet that that's where he's going to end up, because from what I've seen of this little arrangement, you're definitely not what's best for Ponyboy. I wouldn't be one bit surprised if you were the reason for all this. I will be contacting the center this very afternoon to work out some of the details. Good-bye, Mr. Curtis."  
  
Darry puts his head in his hands. No one's sure what to do next, and even Steve's eyes are as big as baseballs. I'm having trouble understanding what it is she's going to do. I don't want to believe it.  
  
"Darry, Darry, man, I am real sorry." Steve's trying to comfort Darry, but Darry's not showing signs of improvement from the minute Mrs. Danner had said "Norman Child Adoption Center" and now. "Ok, alright, ah, we can get through this. They're going to send someone out to see us before they take Pony and Sodapop away. They HAVE to, because otherwise we've already lost. And you two," Darry looks right at me and Sodapop with red, tear-fighting eyes.  
  
"you two are the only ones I've got left." 


	14. Preparing

Chapter 14 (thanks for the reviews. Keep sending!)  
  
"Where were you on the night of January 24th, 1935?" Darry and me are cleaning the house while Two-bit and Steve are SUPPOSED to be helping us prepare for some of the questions the social worker could ask.  
  
Darry gives Two-bit a look. "In my mother's womb. Come on, Two-bit, this is serious."  
  
Two-bit grins. "How do you know they won't ask that? They COULD ask that!"  
  
Steve must not think this is as funny as everyone else does. He doesn't even smile. "Two-bit, shut-up! Ok, they'll probably ask about what happened last year, you know, about Dallas and Johnny. You should consider that."  
  
Sodapop, who's raiding the refrigerator instead of helping, calls out, "Yeah, I've been thinking that over. We could just tell them what actually happened, and show them the papers from the trial. Technically, the court says we're innocent. I hope that that fact is enough to convince them."  
  
Immediately, Darry starts digging through files, trying to find the court papers. "Maybe they'll ask about your grades, Pony, and they've been dropping pretty quick lately."  
  
I must actually be an idiot and didn't know it by the way Steve is looking at me. "Yeh, well, that's 'cause of the drugs, and they'll already know about them so it really shouldn't make any difference. Two-bit, can you think of anything they might ask?"  
  
I don't want to hear Steve's comments anymore, and I figure even Two-bit's sarcasm could help me calm down more than Steve's negative comments.  
  
"Well, hmmm, what about checking Darry and Soda's background? A whole lot of kids are addicts, even if they're from soc families. They don't just take kids away from their parents because of drugs, or else hardly anyone would have a kid. They check the parents out first. They'll probably ask a whole mess of questions about Darry, and maybe some on Soda."  
  
Darry has done a whole lot for me and Sodapop, so they'd have to take note of that. And Sodapop, well, he's quit school, but he's also working to support me.  
  
I was feeling a whole lot better about the whole situation until Steve got into it again. "Hey, Soda, isn't your birthday on Saturday? As in, your 18th birthday? Then you'll be a legal adult! No problem!"  
  
Problem. I'd be all alone, all alone waiting for some stranger to come take pity on me and adopt me, which would probably never happen. Great. Just terrific.  
  
As if reading my mind, Darry screams, "Steve, I'm not worried about Sodapop, I'm worried about Ponyboy! He's the one who's being threatened here, not you, not me, not Sodapop. P-O-N-Y-B-O-Y, Ponyboy!!!"  
  
No one says anything for a long time, because after Darry finishes his tantrum, his eyes fill with tears that he wasn't able to fight off. And then, WHAT LUCK! The door-bell rang.  
  
And outside was the social worker. 


	15. Social Worker

Chapter 15 (review, review, review please!)  
  
He's a tall man, average height and no hair. "Are you Ponyboy?"  
  
I nod.  
  
Hi, Ponyboy, my name is William Patricks. I'm a social worker from Norman Child Adoption. Well, Ponyboy, it looks like we've got a little problem. Ya see, a certain Mrs. Danner called and asked me to come here and find out what's going on. The problem with this isn't that I enjoy splitting families a part, it's just that I've had a lot of experience with these KINDS of families, and mostly this set-up is a bad idea. And so, I'm not sure we have much to talk about."  
  
Darry comes out of the bathroom with little trace of his earlier breakdown.  
  
He holds out his hand to shake that of the social worker, but Mr. Patricks doesn't take it. "And you are?"  
  
"Darrell Curtis, sir."  
  
"Is there anything that you want to tell me to attempt to get me to change my mind?"  
  
"Uh, sir, actually, I was kinda hoping that we could, you know, sit down and talk awhile. I think we have a lot to discuss. Can we do that?"  
  
"Mr. Curtis, no. Sorry, but my wife and kids are at home. Dinner will be ready at eight sharp and I'm not going to be late. If you haven't already figured this out, I'm not really applauding this kind of set-up. I think that young men your age should be able to live a little, not be raising teenagers."  
  
Mr. William Patricks looks at me, than Sodapop, than Darry. "I give you boys and your friends exactly one hour to wrap things up. Someone will be here at 7:00 to pick up Ponyboy. He's allowed to bring a pillow and one bag full of whatever he wants to keep. That's it. Good luck, boys! I'm really sorry it came down to this."  
  
Sodapop and Darry stare into nothingness, Steve has no real visible facial expressions. Twobit's the only one who can manage sudden movements. "You want me to kill him, Darry? Cause you know I will if you want." No reply from Darry.  
  
I look at Twobit closely. He's always so cheerful and full of life. I'm really gonna miss Twobit. Sometimes it was cool to have someone look at life with humor. I remember the night at the drive-in movies. I remember how clear Twobit had made to Cherry that Darry was only going to get what he deserved, nothing more. I also remember the way he looked on soc's, with hate, like they were the enemy's instead of society in general.  
  
I look at Steve, still expressionless. Not a real nice guy, truthfully. He was only even part of our group because of Sodapop. Sodapop could get along with the devil, though, if given the chance. Oh, God, Sodapop! I'm going to miss him the most of all. Happy-go-lucky and always seeing the bright side of everything even if there was no bright side. I love him more than anyone ever. And I'm even going to miss Soda's 18th birthday. It was going to be a big deal, with girls, dancing, and (Because Twobit's helping plan it) alcohol. His big day. But I'm willing to bet I've ruined that for him. I can't ever do nothin' right. Because I don't use my head. I remember when Darry used to say that to me. Now, though, he never did. He's so much different ever since Dally and Johnny's death. I think that he was just starting to get used to the fact that I could and would take care of myself without him yelling my head off for every little mistake. It's been real nice between me and him lately.  
  
Yep, everyone I love, gone for a real long time. I'm only 15 years old. That means 3 whole years until I'll be on my own and be able to see Darry, Twobit, Sodapop, and Steve again.  
  
This is what I'm thinking when I decide, ok, 2 ways to go here. 1) I could go, willingly. 2) I could get out.  
  
And so, I grab my coat and run out the door. 


	16. Dealers

Chapter 16 (thanks for the reviews! Please, keep sending!)  
  
Darry calls after me, but there's no way I'm going back. It's awful cold outside, though, and I'm wishing I had more than this little jacket to keep me warm.  
  
I can't decide where to go. Even Two-bit would eventually make me go home. Besides, he was at our house right now.  
  
I just keep walking in one general direction. I don't realize until I get to the door that I ended up at Kayla's. It was just instinct to come here.  
  
She opens the door and looks at me hard for a long time. Then she just says, "Yeah?"  
  
I'm not sure what to say. Had I even knocked? "Uh, Kayla, well," Her eyes lock on mine. I decide just to tell her everything. Maybe we can work out some things I'm not really sure I understand right now. "I got in a lot of trouble with the drugs and so Darry made me talk to the school counselor, but I than I had a relapse so Darry scheduled a meeting with me and the counselor and Two-bit and Steve, but than the counselor decided to call the Norman Child Adoption Agency and they came over about four or five hours later but the man had already decided before than that I was going to have to go to the Adoption place and he gave us an hour to get prepared, but than I decided to leave because I didn't want to go to their damn agency, and than somehow I got here." I say all that in one breathe than look at her exhaustedly.  
  
She gets a sympathetic look on her face, and I realize that all the pain and frustration of the past few months must be shining through my eyes.  
  
"My parents are out for a while; you wanna come in for a minute?"  
  
I nod and walk inside. Her house is always so clean because if she doesn't keep it that way, her dad will go crazy.  
  
"Ponyboy, I'm real sorry about that guy you saw me with. I'm sorry I got you into this whole drug thing and I'm sorry about the adoption agency. I feel like it's all my fault. Is it?"  
  
I shrug. Yes, it is some her fault, but not all. Mostly, it was my fault.  
  
I can't think of anything to say to her. Just being in the same room with her is overwhelming. For days I've just wanted to be with her, but now I just want her and her drugs to disappear.  
  
"Kayla, why were all those guys mugging you all the time? Not even the greasiest greaser gets mugged that much, and you said that it was just being in the wrong place at the wrong time, but damn, Kayla. Soc boys hardly ever mug the girls. Only the real bad ones do that, and it's not for things like a cheap gold watch. I want to know the truth, Kayla. And I think I deserve to."  
  
Kayla breaths in deep before saying, "Pony, honey, the truth is me and you are in a whole lot of trouble."  
  
Wait, what? WE were in trouble?  
  
"The guys that I said were muggin' me were actually just getting what I owed them. Drugs aren't and never were cheap, and I can't always afford to pay for them. But than I found a group that would give me the Marijuana on a credit, if you will. So I jumped on the opportunity. Next problem was that when I reached the $500.00 max, I was only given one week to come up with the money. I didn't have it, so they said I had to give them things that they could pawn off. But now, they've only got $95.00 back and they think they're going to get ripped off."  
  
I nod. "Ok, so YOU'RE in a whole lot of trouble. How'd that become a WE? Nope, that's definitely a YOU."  
  
"I got scared, Pony. Five big guys showed up at my door demanding money or they were going to beat the crap out of me, and I told them that YOU had the money and that you were supposed to give it to them. They said they hadn't gotten it, so I told them YOU must've spent it on something else, and to come to YOU to get the money. Now do you understand where the YOU in the WE comes in?"  
  
Could anything else possibly go wrong? I feel like crawling into a corner, shriveling up and dieing, right there. I miss Johnny and Dally and Darry and Sodapop and Twobit and even Steve. And now there are some guys out to get me, and what can I do about it?  
  
"Did they say when they are going to come find me?" I ask. I figure maybe I can make it to some place else before they find me. Maybe I can avoid this whole thing. "Tonight, Ponyboy. They're coming to your house tonight to, as they put it, "take care of you" and they're planning on "taking care" of Soda and Darry, too. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done this to you. You didn't deserve it."  
  
At this point, I just have to get out of here. Go home, make sure that Darry and Soda are ok. I'll go to the adoption center, if that's where I end up, but at least I'll have time to warn them about the drug-dealers.  
  
"I have to go, Kayla."  
  
She tries to get me to stay by saying things like, "Ponyboy, now, Ponyboy, come on. If you leave now they'll be able to hurt you. I don't want you to get hurt. Just stay here."  
  
Yeah, sure. She didn't want me to be hurt. "Well maybe you could've thought of that before you sent out a whole gang to get me, huh?" Her eyes get watery, but I ignore it. I have to ignore it. Otherwise, there's no way I'll be able to leave. I love her to much to leave her here, alone, crying like this. "I'll come back tonight, if I don't get taken to that damn Adoption home. But I have to get home. I have to make sure Soda and Darry are ok. I'll see you later, sweetheart."  
  
Kayla's sobs become louder, but I don't look back at her. I can't. It just hurts too damn much. 


	17. The GetAway

Chapters 17 (thanks for the reviews and please, keep sending, good or bad!) Oh, yeah, I guess I should say that the drug-dealers in this one are all my characters and so is Kayla. Everyone you know is Hinton's.  
  
Walking home, I realize that I really am the one to blame for all this. I should've stayed away from Kayla like Sodapop warned me, but I didn't and now look where I'm at.  
  
"Hey, you Ponyboy Curtis?" some guy I don't know asks.  
  
I think about the possibilities that this is someone I want to find me. All signs point to no.  
  
"No, but I think I know the one you're talkin' about. He lives about 5 or 6 blocks down, just him and his brothers. Why?"  
  
"Well, ya see, I'm supposed to find this guy and kill him and his brothers, and the rest of my gang is already down at their house. But I was.uh.kinda runnin' late. Yeah, that's it. Just a misunderstanding."  
  
I nod. "Well, like I said, I think they live about 5 or 6 blocks down that way." I say, pointing the direction I came from. "Thanks, kid. Oh, and if a certain guy-with-a-red-mustache-and-big-muscles asks about me, this conversation NEVER happened, got it?"  
  
I nod again. He runs off in the direction I pointed him in.  
  
Oh, no, Oh, God! They're already THERE! I'm running as fast as my legs can carry me, and I thank God I was on the track team. But when I do get home, there's an old heaped-up pickup truck and a whole lot of guys inside. I note that one of them is putting bullets in a small, hand-held gun.  
  
I go around back to get in without them noticing. "Ponyboy? That You? Ponyboy, I think that if we go to the adoption center right now, maybe we can talk to someone who can help us. Maybe we can avoid getting split if."  
  
I don't give Darry a chance to finish. "Guys, we have to get out of here now! There's a big gang of drug-dealers outside, and let me assure you, they don't want to play house. They have guns."  
  
Sodapop's eyes get real big. "Ponyboy, why, exactly, are they here? What did you do while you were out?"  
  
No time to explain. No time to think. The image that keeps running through my head is of that guy loading the gun. "I'll explain later. Hurry up, we have to go NOW!"  
  
Remarkably, they listen to me. They all get up and head out the back way, when I'd thought they'd probably try and fight these guys. For once, I am glad Dally isn't here. He'd put the whole gang in jeopardy, 'cause he would have wanted to stay and fight. Everyone else understands that that only works if there are no guns involved. As it is, we are outnumbered and out powered.  
  
We all make it outside ok, and Twobit suggests we all get in Darry's car. That way, at least we'll have wheels. But getting into that car quietly isn't even a possibility. The doors squeak when you open them, and you have to slam them hard to close them.  
  
No, there's no way to get into the car quietly, so we all decide to try getting in quickly, instead. We make a whole lot of noise, and the dealers notice us pretty quick. Darry gets the car started pretty fast, though, and we pull out of the drive-way before the dealers have a chance to even start their car.  
  
"Now, Ponyboy, why exactly are there a whole gang of drug-dealers after us? 'Cause really, I think this could be interesting information."  
  
Darry doesn't sound too happy, but he's trying real hard to keep his cool.  
  
Steve adds, "Yeh, Ponyboy, why do you always have to cause trouble? We'll all be a lot better off if you DO get sent to that children's home."  
  
Out of everything that Steve has ever said to me that hurt the worst. Mainly because he's right. It always seems to be me who gets us into trouble. But it doesn't make you feel real great to hear someone you've grown-up with say that about you.  
  
"No, Steve, you're wrong. And were do you get off saying that anyways? Huh? Pony's not doin' real good right now, I admit, but to say we'd be better off without him, that's just not true and how dare you say it is!"  
  
I swear I thought that Sodapop had said that. That's just a Soda thing to say. But when I look to see who the voice is coming from, it really isn't Soda.  
  
And I finally understand, after everything that's happened, how much Darry's given up for me. He could've made a life for himself, a real nice life with a wife, two kids and a white picket fence if he wanted. But he'd given it all up for me and Soda. And this is how I thanked him.  
  
I look at Darry's eyes; the ones I used to think were so cold. But now, I see that they're not cold, just worn out. Out of all three of us Curtis boys, Darry got hit the hardest when mom and dad died, because he not only had to deal with the death of mom and dad.  
  
He'd had to stand by and watch his dreams die, too. 


	18. Blake

Chapter 18 (please, keep reviewing! You've all been great!)  
  
"They're not far behind us, Darry, and they don't look too happy." Twobit was assigned to keep us updated on how close the dealers were behind us.  
  
Suddenly, Darry pulls off of the road onto a small alley-way. "We're almost out of gas, and the closet gas station's at least thirty miles from here. We'll just have to see if we can get these guys to leave us alone."  
  
The dealers' pickup truck pulls onto the alley-way and their gang get out real fast. "You weren't kidding when you said they had guns, huh, Pony?"  
  
One gun, I silently prayed, I only saw one gun, let there only be one. But instead, each member of the gang has a large lump in their jean pockets. "Shit," is all that Darry can manage.  
  
"Would we be better off staying in here, or should we go ahead and get out?" Soda asks.  
  
"Let's get out and make a break for it." We all agree that strategy will work the best, and we hop out of the car.  
  
But our plan is interrupted when one of the dealers walks up to Twobit, just like an old pal. "You part of this gang, Keith?" Twobit nods. "Better than yours ever was. Safer anyways. I've only been in jail twice in the past three years."  
  
By this time, every eye is on these two, the link of the gangs.  
  
"Still wearing that dumb Mickey Mouse shirt, I see." Twobit shakes his head. "Nope, that one was blue, this one's white. You never did have an eye for fashion, Blake."  
  
Blake ignores him. "Now, what are you going to do? Huh? We've got guns, Keith. We could kill you all in five shots. Don't you wish you were on our side now?"  
  
"You wouldn't kill me. You don't have enough guts to kill me."  
  
Nice time to be putting the guy down, I think to myself. Let's make him really mad, that way we won't even have a chance!  
  
"You're right about that, Keith. I've known you too long to be able to kill you. Your friend here, though," Blake points right at me, "I can kill him. He stole my money."  
  
Twobit smiles, "Pony didn't steal your God-damn money. He wouldn't even know where to start being a pick-pocket. Nope, that's my own talent."  
  
I never did tell them exactly why these guys were against us. But I'm guessing now that it wasn't only cause of me. It must've had something to do with Twobit, too.  
  
"You're right, Keith, he didn't steal my money strait-out, he stole my drugs. His little girlfriend gave him the money to pay us and he went and probably spent it on someone else's drugs. I don't really give a crap where he spent it; I just want my money back."  
  
There's something about Blake's eyes. It makes him look real mean, not just worn-out mean like Darry and Dallas, but deep-down mean. He probably didn't ever have nothing make him hate the world, he just woke up one morning and thought it'd be cool. And once you convince yourself that you're cool, almost always other people will start thinking you're cool, too.  
  
Darry decides to get in about this time. "About how much money are we talkin' here? $100? $200?"  
  
"Try $405.96!" One of the other dealers says.  
  
"What? $0.96? Where'd that come from?" I ask foolishly.  
  
"Interest, pal. It'll be more since we had to go out of our way to get it from you. I think total, with shipping and handling and interest, we're talkin' a little over $900.00." Blake says as a big wad of his spit lands right in front of my feet.  
  
"Nine hundred," Darry whispers Blake's calculations to himself. He's a bit pale right now, more worried than I've ever seen him. But I'm guessing this is just what he was like when me and Johnny were in Windrixville. "Well, can you pay it? We don't have all day, here!"  
  
Sodapop gets a determined look on his face and says, "I seriously doubt that Kayla gave Ponyboy that money, and I doubt it because Pony's a real smart and responsible kid. If Kayla had given him any money, let me assure you, he'd be sure you got it." He turns to me. "Now, Ponyboy, did you or didn't you get the money from Kayla?"  
  
NO! I want to scream. But I know I can't do that. Kayla's in big trouble if I do that, and I couldn't stand it if she ended up dead because of my being a coward.  
  
So I nod, "Yeah, I got it." 


	19. The Favor

Chapter 19 (thanks for being so great. Please tell me in your next review if you care if I finish this or not. I'm really starting to think about starting something new instead. And this story's getting repetitive, isn't it? Anyways, please review and tell me what you think!)  
  
I've never seen more disappointment in Sodapop's eyes, ever. It was like I had kicked him in the gut or something. He'd given me a good way to get out of this whole mess, and I hadn't taken it. I couldn't stand to look at him.  
  
"Well, he says he got it, now where IS it?" Blake's really starting to scare me; he keeps putting his hand in his pocket, carefully feeling of the gun. "Or did you spend it, like Kayla said?"  
  
I don't know what to say, but I got myself in this mess and now I'll have to get my brothers' out, at least. "Um, about that money, she gave it to me, but it got stolen. I had it in my right back jean pocket, but now it's gone." I say as calm as I can manage.  
  
Darry looks at me like I've totally lost my mind, or like he'd like to shoot me instead of letting these guys do it. I guess he didn't like my excuse very much, but I thought it was mighty creative, myself.  
  
Blake's look isn't much different from Darry's. "Do I have stupid tattooed on my forehead or something?" and he pulls out the gun he's been messin' with, pointing it right at me. "I've wasted enough time listening to your bull-crap. So here's what we're going to do. You're either going to give me the money, or you're going to do me a little favor." Blake's eyes nearly glow.  
  
"Or secret answer "C," we can kill you." one of the other dealer's pipes.  
  
It's silent for a minute, than Steve asks the question on all our minds. "What's the favor?" I'll only tell Ponyboy, and only if he agrees that's the way he's going to go with this. Otherwise, I don't want you all to go around telling the cops my ideas."  
  
Uh-Oh, the cops, this can't be good. I'm thinking.  
  
"Can't I do the favor instead of Pony?" Soda asks quickly. He's tryin' real hard to get me out of this, and I'm wonderin' if I'd ever do that for him. I'm guessing, though, that I probably would.  
  
"Two of you can go, one of whom has to be the horse, over there." Blake laughs at his own joke, but everyone else just stares at him. "I take it that you're choosing the favor?"  
  
Two-bit's just been standing there silent for awhile now, and I've been wondering when he was gonna speak up. But now that he does, I wish he'd just kept to himself. "Yeah, Blake, I guess we'll be choosing the favor. Me and Ponyboy will go, seeing as I'm the only one who has any idea what I'm getting into."  
  
Darry shakes his head. "I'm going with him. He's my kid brother, and I'm his legal guardian. I'm going to guardian him."  
  
"Oh, shoot, Darry, I'll go. I don't want you going when you have so much else to deal with. Besides, it was MY idea that someone should go with him." Soda refuses to give this up.  
  
"NO, Sodapop, no! I have enough to worry about without worrying that you and Pony will be killed or arrested or murdering someone. Me and Ponyboy will do it, and you stay here and try to keep out of trouble, will you?"  
  
Wait, back up. Did he say, "Murdering Someone"!?! I can't do that! I'd rather die than have to murder someone!  
  
"Can you tell me what I'm getting into before you tell both of us? That way, if I know I can't do it, you can-" I breathe in real deep- "you can switch to plan C instead?"  
  
Everyone stares at me. I'd like to say that I was with them, that I was being a complete idiot. But I know in my heart that I could never kill anybody, especially in a hit-man concept.  
  
Blake smirks, "so, you're asking if we can tell you what you'll be doing, and if you don't want to do it, we can kill you?"  
  
All eyes are on me. I think real hard, and replay every word he said in my head over and over. "-we can kill you?" He'd asked. And very slowly, I nod, "Yep, that's what I'm saying."  
  
That breaks the silence. Darry starts screaming at me, "Are you crazy, Ponyboy?" Soda says he couldn't stand it if I was gone; Two-bit is trying to calm everyone by saying that Blake won't kill me, "I know this guy, and he's nothing but talk! Just calm down!" And Steve is trying to get Soda to sit down and smoke a second.  
  
The dealers are all asking Blake if they can do that. "Is that possible?" One asks. Then another adds, "Is he trying to pull something by us?" The whole alleyway is in confusion, I guess this hasn't ever happened before.  
  
And than, a loud whistle makes everyone shut-up real fast. Blake starts talking. "Yes, I can do that! You'd rather die than do what I need you to do; I'll be willing to let you." Than he smiles. "Glory, but this is the LAST thing I expected! You did a good job, Darrel. There isn't a coward bone in this kid's whole body."  
  
But by the look on Darry's face, I can tell he's not too proud of his parenting at this moment. 


	20. Choices

Chapter 20 (ummm, about stopping this story.I was.uh.just kidding..yeah..that's it..(awkward Silence) um..yeah! Now, back due to popular demand.(and multiple threats of physical harm to the author) I bring you.Chapter 20!)  
  
All sorts of thoughts are going through mind. How can I do this? Am I crazy? I can't do this to myself! Run, Ponyboy! I think to myself, Head for the hills!  
  
But when Blake says, "Come on up here, Ponyboy. We'll tell you the favor." I go, even though I'm convinced that my mind is sending signals to my legs to stop.  
  
"Are you sure this is what you want, now, Ponyboy?" I'm not sure. I couldn't be less sure if someone asked me what a kid named Ojouard who lived in Hong Kong liked to eat for breakfast, but I don't really have a choice now, so I tell them I'm sure.  
  
"We're going to do this rationally, now. The second we tell you, you might chicken out. Or, your brothers over there could jump in front of me, 'cause lord knows they'd take a bullet for you any day." Blake puts his right arm around my neck, holding me tightly against him. You'd think with all the profit he makes selling drugs he'd have enough money for some deodorant, but I'm guessing not. With his left hand he holds the gun against my head. "Everyone, even my gang, go stand there!" He commands, pointing to a clearing in the trees about a football-fields' distance away.  
  
Everyone reluctantly starts walking, but not Darry. He's just standing there, acting as though it's impossible for him to budge. "Pony, come on. Don't do this! This is stupid! There's still time to back out. Or, at least agree to whatever he wants. Don't allow your own murder to happen! Fight, little buddy." Darry begs, "fight for all you have!"  
  
Blake lets Darry get that much in before saying, "Darry, go with the rest of them, or I'll shoot him right here, right now!" Well, if you think Darry didn't go than, you're crazy.  
  
"You ready Ponyboy?" Blake asks in an amazingly soothing voice. I nod, as best I can. He's nearly choking me he's holding on so tight! "Ok, than, let's do this."  
  
You know how people say when you're really scared your whole life flashes before your eyes? Well, it doesn't happen like that to me. There was only one thought going on in my mind. "Oh!!!!!" I'm thinking, "So this is it. One second you're alive, the next your not. That's all there is. No time in between to linger or let go. Just here, than gone."  
  
Suddenly, I feel Blake's hot breath on my skin, going into my ear. He's whispering so soft, and I struggle to hear. All I can make out is something like, "-girl---Pony---Kayla- ---she ripped me off. ---kill-just want-----dead."  
  
I can't breath. I can't feel, I can't talk, or even reason. Kill Kayla? I can't do that! NO WAY, NO WAY, NO!!!!!!! WAY!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
I glance over at the guys so far away. Darry and Sodapop are standing in front of everyone, just starin' at me. I can't leave them---but, God, I CAN NOT kill Kayla! I love her!  
  
"Well, will you do it?"  
  
I can't kill her, can't kill Kayla, I Love her, There's no way I can kill her! I'm so scared I feel myself shaking and I'm gasping for air because Blake keeps on tightening his grip on my neck. Darry has given up his dreams for me; Soda needs me as much as I need him. Two-bit and Steve couldn't handle it, another death in the gang. Will I do it?  
  
"Yeah," I gasp out, "I'll do it."  
  
Blake smiles, for no other reason; I'm sure, than that now he doesn't have to kill me. But he doesn't loosen his grip.  
  
"Promise?" What can I say? "Yeah, Blake, I promise!"  
  
Blake gives his consent for the guys to come back up, but he still doesn't let me go until Darry tells him to. I look from Darry to Soda, trying to figure out who to run to, who I'll feel safer with.  
  
Even I'm surprised when I run to Darry. 


	21. Twobit

Chapter 21 (thanks to everyone who has reviewed and please keep reviewing!)  
  
"Who's going with him?" Blake's getting impatient with us. I can tell he just wants to get out of here.  
  
Darry and Soda start right in, each deciding they should go. But I've been thinking about it, and I want Two-bit. Blake and Two-bit are obviously old friends. And besides, I don't intend to go at all. But Blake doesn't know that. Not yet, anyways.  
  
"Two-bit, you go with me, will you?" Darry and Soda stop in mid fight and stare at me like I've completely lost my mind. But Two-bit nods. "Yeah, sure, I'll go. Where're we going?"  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
It's real late, and we're all trying to sleep in Darry's truck. We can't go home because of the agency and they'd probably find us if we went to Steve or Two-bit's house, so we went to a lake in Arcadia and slept.  
  
Suddenly, I feel Two-bit's strong hands on my shoulder, tugging. "Come on, Ponyboy, we got to get going, or else it'll be day before we ever get over there." I decide that now's a good time to tell him I can't and never intended on killing her.  
  
"You don't actually think I can kill someone, especially Kayla, do you? Come on, Twobit! I just said I would so I wouldn't be killed!"  
  
Two-bit sighs, his voice trails off as he explains, "We're goin', Pony, whether you like it or not. Blake isn't someone you mess with. If we don't do this, Blake'll come after all of us, and I'm not gettin' killed just 'cause you don't want to follow through." He starts searching through the stuff in the bag Blake gave us. "Where's the gun, huh, Pony?"  
  
What? The gun? As in, the gun to kill Kayla with? That gun?  
  
"Don't know." Is all I can manage. My mind is filled with wild ideas and I'm having trouble comprehending the situation at hand. I decide I'll just let Two-bit lead. I know Two-bit. He's easy-going and wouldn't hurt someone just for the heck of it. He'd hafta be real mad to kill someone. I'll have to trust him to get me through this.  
  
BANG!!!  
  
The gun firing scares the hell out of me and Two-bit, but when we turn to see who is there, Steve is smiling at us. "This what you're lookin' for?"  
  
Two-bit laughs. "Yep, that's it. Now give it here, Stevie, me and Pony've got to get going. Got a lot to do and we need that gun to do it with."  
  
"Where are you going, anyways? Blake ain't here, you can tell us now." The noise from the gun woke up Darry and Sodapop, and Soda's still mad at me for choosing Two-bit. "Brother to brother, Ponyboy, what're you going to be doin' and should I be worried or is it some little thing like holdin' up a gas-station or somethin'?  
  
I grin at what Soda considers a "little thing." I'm not quite so sure holding up a gas station is a "little thing," But I am sure that killing someone is a REALLY BIG thing. I don't know what to say, I don't want them to worry, but I can't lie to Sodapop. Luckily Twobit comes to my rescue. He always knows just what to say. "No, it's no little thing. But it ain't nothin' we can't handle, right Pony? I swear, Darry, I won't let anything happen to Pony. He'll be fine; I'll put him before myself. You have my word, Pony'll be fine."  
  
As if by magic, Darry calms down a whole lot. Even though Twobit was constantly making fun of things, there's one other quality that he had better than anyone else in the gang and that was his word. If he said he'd do it, he'd either do it or die trying. I envied Twobit and often wished I had his kind of self-assurance. He could do anything he set his mind to do. So when he said he'd make sure I was fine, Darry just assumed I'd be fine.  
  
But there was little chance that I'd be fine in my mind. There was really no way to get out of this.  
  
"We got to go, guys. Come on, Ponyboy, let's get out of here. We're late."  
  
It's almost too dark to walk strait, but when we finally get to the main road, we realize how far we are from Kayla's house. At least an hour. "We'll hafta hitch a ride. Or, we have some cash here. We could find a bus, but I doubt they're running this late." I notice that Two-bit's voice doesn't sound as assured as it was when we left. He's already getting nervous.  
  
"There's an old farmer's truck, Twobit, over there." I say, pointing to a dirty old red Ford. "We can probably hitch a ride with him."  
  
Two-bit tries to flag it down, but with no luck. It's one-0'clock in the morning, and I'll bet we don't look like the best guys to be picking up. Especially since you can tell Twobit's got a gun in his pocket. "Here, Pony, You put the gun in your coat pocket. I doubt the bump will show since its way to big for you anyways, it being Darry's and all.  
  
I'm hesitant to take it, remembering what it's supposed to be used for. Besides, I just don't like the feel of having a loaded gun in my pocket. But I take it anyways, because otherwise we'll never find a ride.  
  
After attempting to flag down cars for around an hour, an old man finally gives us a lift. He drops us off at my house, because we obviously didn't want to be dropped off at Kayla's, than we walk the path to her house that I know so well.  
  
I half expect to see her there, waiting for some new guy to take her out or just watching the stars. She's always liked to watch the stars. But, of course, she's not waiting or watching stars.  
  
"Pony, is her mom or dad here at night?" Twobit's hands are shaking, and I'm not sure he'll be able to go through with this.  
  
"Naw, her dad left a long time ago and her mom is always at a party or somethin'. We shouldn't have any problem with them."  
  
What am I saying? What am I doing? I'm not going through with this, and yet, here I am, outside her door.  
  
"Goddamnit, I can't get this lock to budge!" Twobit's getting really ticked at this point. I look at the big brown door I'd picked so many times before to help Kayla out of her many messes. "Pony, you try." Now here I am, opening the front door so two men can get in and harm her. One of those men is me.  
  
I work with the lock for about a second before it breaks loose. Even with everything that's going on, I can't help but think that'll be my trademark someday. Twobit is a good pick-pocket, Steve's great at lifting hubcaps, Soda can get any girl in town, and I can pick locks good and fast.  
  
"Where do you think she's at?" Twobit asks, bringing me back to what was going on.  
  
"Oh, I don't know, Twobit. It's three in the morning, she's probably sleeping or else she's at one of Buck's parties." We didn't need to be whispering, though, cause suddenly we hear Kayla's soft voice. "Pony? Pony, baby, that you?" I look at her, standing there in her long robe with her hair down and her eyes all sleepy. It makes me feel about ten times better than I'd felt before, just seeing how peaceful she looks. Earlier today I couldn't remember why I'd ever fell in love with her. Now I can't figure out how I was supposed to NOT fall for her. "Yeah, honey, it's me and Twobit."  
  
Twobit eyes me, and I can tell he's getting frustrated with me. His voice in a hurry, Twobit says, "Pony, if I hold her, will you do what we're supposed to? Will you stay on my side?"  
  
Kayla looks at us confused. "Well, Twobit, I'm flattered and all that, but I'd much rather Pony hold me than you." She smiles a bit at her own joke.  
  
"Are you gonna be on my side or hers, Ponyboy. You've got to tell me." Twobit's whole body is shaking by this point. He barely whispered his words.  
  
I look from Kayla to Twobit and back again. "Me or her," Twobit says, "me or her."  
  
Kayla walks over to me, gently laying her hand on my cheek. "You feelin' ok, Ponyboy? You look kinda pail."  
  
In my mind are images of the past few days. I was crazy to think this was my fault! Kayla had convinced me, this was HER FAULT! I was getting taken away from Darry and Soda, I was trying to get over a major addiction, I was paying back a debt she owed the drug-dealers because of her! My punishment for listening was having to do this.  
  
Hers came when I nodded at Twobit. "I'm on your side. Let's do this." 


	22. The Gun

Chapter 22 (thanks for all the great reviews! Please, keep reviewing! They're the only motivation I have at this point. Busy, Depressed, and Sad times at my house, this helps get me away from that, though. Thanks a ton!)  
  
Two-bit walks quickly over to Kayla and grabs her around the stomach, holding tight. She's starting to understand we're not there for fun and games, and she laughs nervously. "Guys, come on, stop, this isn't even funny!" Her eyes get real wide when I pull out the gun. Slowly, abruptly, I raise it to point to her.  
  
"Pony, come on, Two-bit. Let Me Go!" She starts kicking and twisting and I'm trying to get good aim on her, but she's making it hard and when I shot, I end up hitting Two-bit in the arm. He winces with pain as blood gushes from his arm. He's cursing and trying to keep hold of Kayla, but with little luck.  
  
"Ponyboy, damn it, HIT HER, not ME, and do it NOW!" He's struggling to keep from bleeding to death, holding his arm in his jacket. He's not able to hold Kayla anymore, and she's starting to run off, but she's going really slowly because she can't see strait through the thousands of tears rolling down her cheeks.  
  
Two-bit puts the last of his energy into putting his leg in front of Kayla, and she trips and falls. Now, I've got to shot Now! My eyes are fogging up by this time, and it's hard to aim, but I only have a few crucial moments to shot, or else she'll get up.  
  
She's starting to get to her feet even now. Struggling, fighting. "NOW, PONY, NOW!!!" I can't stall anymore; I have to shot the gun. It's her fault. And she has to pay, this is the only way. I HAVE TO SHOT!  
  
BANG! The force of the bullet causes me to fall back. I hit my head on..something..I can't figure out what...before I get real dizzy and I fall...  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I'm not sure how much time goes by before I wake up again. It couldn't have been too long, because, though my head still hurts, Two-bit doesn't seem in too big of a hurry to get out of there yet. His eyes are real red.  
  
I glance over at where Kayla had been standing. She's down, now. Two- bit's arm is wrapped tightly in about five towels from the bathroom, but they're soaked in dark red blood. I ask weakly if she's dead.  
  
"I think so, buddy. You hit her in the neck, and she fell fast." His voice is shaking, he's shaking. His arm is so badly hurt, and I suggest we get him to a hospital, but he says we can't because the cops are sure to find Kayla soon and they'll put two-and-two together pretty quick. "They may lead boring lives, but they're not stupid." Two-bit tries to paste on a smile, but it's not working for him. I glance at the clock. It's five in the morning. I'm not really here, I tell myself. Really, I'm at home, sleeping. Yeah, and Soda's next to me and Darry's cooking breakfast. Everything's fine, really. Really, I have another shot to make things right.  
  
I want to go back and try it again. Maybe I'd get it right if I could try it all over again. But I can't. What's done is done, and nothing can change it.  
  
Kayla's dead, and nothing can change that.  
  
"We got to get going, Pony. We've got to get out of here, but we'd better clean up first. We'll leave the body and everything, but we need to make sure they don't have any fingerprints or something. Grab one of those rags over there and start wiping." 


	23. Not Ponyboy

Chapter 23- I'm finally updating!  
  
"Soda!" I'm calling out to him, trying to get his attention. I have to talk to him, to tell him what I did. Only Soda can make me feel better.  
  
He walks over to me slowly, a crooked smile on his face. "Pony? That you? Where's Twobit and why are you crying?"  
  
I hadn't even realized; I'm crying. And Twobit? Twobit had fallen. He'd gotten real dizzy from loss of blood, he was so damn pail, and he just fell. "Twobit's in an ambulance. I killed her, Sodapop! I don't know what I was thinking..I wasn't going to, but than I just...I don't know...I just...I killed her...hit her right in the neck. Than it was black, than there were dark red towels and Twobit, I hit him, too, right in the arm. He lost red..I mean..."  
  
"Wow, wow, little buddy, slow down!" Sodapop wraps his arms around me and holds me tight. "Just breathe for a minute, honey."  
  
I'm crying so hard, I can't seem to stop. I killed her. That just keeps running through my head over and over.  
  
I killed her. I killed her. I. Killed. Her.  
  
"Sodapop is that Ponyboy?" Soda nods slowly as Darry comes up behind me. "Pony, what happened? Where's Twobit? And what's that on your...is that...blood? What's going on, Ponyboy, what did you do?"  
  
I know I'll eventually have to tell them about Kayla. But right now Twobit's more important. "Twobit got shot in the arm! He's in the hospital, Darry! He told me not to call the hospital, but than he fell, and so I had to. I didn't want him to die! But I killed her..I did it...I'm a murderer."  
  
"So, wait, Twobit's in the hospital? Pony; slow down, what is it that happened? Please, Ponyboy, you've got to tell us. If Twobit's hurt, if you.." Darry pauses and swallows hard. "If you..killed someone, than you've got to tell us what's going on."  
  
I'll have to stop crying. No one can understand me when I cry, and besides, it's not doing anyone any good.  
  
Soda's still holding me. I don't want him to ever let go. Maybe if he could hold on forever, I wouldn't have to ever tell anyone what I did. Maybe I could keep it a secret. But Soda slowly lets me go. He says, "You do need to tell us, even if it's hard, Ponyboy. Try, please try." I've never seen Soda's eyes so wide. He's trying hard not to scream at me, I can tell. Because even though Darry doesn't know yet, Soda does. Soda knows me better than anyone. No doubt, he knows.  
  
And he's disappointed in me...again.  
  
I'm starting to pull myself together, so I say, "That was Blake's dare, to kill her. But I wasn't going to do it but than Twobit made me and when he was trying to hold her down he got shot in the arm, I shot him, than she fell than I shot her in the neck than I fell and it went black and when I woke up Twobit had his arm in a bunch of towels and they were soaked in blood. He said I couldn't call 911 'cause they weren't stupid. But on our way back here he fell, he was so pail, so damn pail."  
  
Darry is staring at me, not believing. "So wait, who did you hit... who did you shot in the neck, Pony? Who's 'She'?" He says that real slow, than looks at me lightly.  
  
Soda's face turns red. He nearly screams at Darry, "Don't you get it? He killed Kayla. She was struggling so he accidentally hit Twobit! He shot Kayla in the neck, she's dead. She would be, SHOULD BE alive right now, but because of Ponyboy, she's dead."  
  
I can feel the tears hot behind my eyes and push them back. I can't start crying again. Darry is just staring at me. Than he walks away.  
  
"I'm sorry....." I say. I'm tired; I don't think I can do this anymore. And I can feel Soda's eyes going through me when he says, "Who are you? Huh? You're not Ponyboy, that's for damn sure. My little brother..." He breaths in real deep, "he's gone. And you get in the truck. Now."  
  
"What are you saying, Soda? I'm Ponyboy, but I'm not doing too good. Aren't you going to try to help me? Where are we going?" My eyes are helping me plead.  
  
Please, Soda, I silently pray. Please, don't forget who I am. You're all I have left.  
  
But this time it doesn't work. My prayer isn't answered.  
  
"Forget it, boy, just get in the damn car!" Soda shouts out, taking me by surprise. "We're going to have to tell someone what you did. I'm sorry, boy, I am...but Kayla's family is going to have enough to deal with without having to worry about what happened to their daughter. They deserve to know." He stands there, silently, jingling the car keys for what seems an eternity.  
  
"So, boy, you get in the car. We're going to get something to eat. We're going to talk. We're going to go see Twobit. Than we're going to the police station, and you'll have to stay." His voice drops at the end, it's barely a whisper.  
  
"What?" I say, exhaustedly, "You're actually going to turn me in?"  
  
Sodapop shuts his eyes tightly and nods, refusing to open them.  
  
"I guess you're going to turn Twobit in, too?" I ask.  
  
His eyes still closed, Soda shakes his head, than whispers, "No, I'm not. You're the one who got Twobit in to this. He already got hit in the arm, right? From the sound of it, we'll be lucky if he lives. And it's not his fault."  
  
I can't believe it. My own brother is turning against me. "If he does...I mean, if Twobit should happen to...not make it...can't we say he did it?"  
  
Soda opens his eyes to tiny slits through which the anger of the whole world is shines through. "I can't believe you just said that! What is wrong with you? Huh? I thought you knew, what from me and Darry and dad, I thought you realized that finding the easy way out of something doesn't make it the right way. You WANT Twobit to die! That way you won't have to go to jail. You think you're still alive so why not blame Twobit! Well there's one thing really wrong with that theory, and that's that you think you are still alive. You're not Ponyboy! Ponyboy Michael Curtis died the second he put that Damn Marijuana up to his lips!" 


	24. Shrugging

Chapter 24 (thanks for all the reviews! Keep sending them, please! It's a great motivation!)  
  
"What do you want?" Soda asks as we pull up to a Sonic. I shrug. I haven't been able to bring myself to say anything to him since he screamed at me. "Shruggin's not an answer, Ponyboy. Do you want a chili-dog or somethin'?"  
  
I'm really not all that hungry, but for fear of making him mad again I nod. "Yeah, sure." Soda orders and we sit in silence waiting for our food to come. Than Soda drives over to the park.  
  
He says, "Why?"  
  
"Why what," I ask, even though I know. Soda whispers, "Why'd ya do it, you know, kill Kayla?"  
  
I shift uneasily in my chair, than I shrug again. "Ponyboy, come on, Quit shrugging! I already told you, shruggin's not an answer." He stops himself and breaths in real deep. "I haveta know before I can let you go. I think I deserve to know."  
  
For fear of what Soda'll say if I shrug again, I just sit still and quiet.  
  
"What happened? Huh? You were doin' so good, with grades and all. What messed you up so bad? And don't tell me it was that girl, because if you'd loved her, she'd be alive right now."  
  
I shrug, than think better of it, and say, "I don't know."  
  
Sodapop tries hard to keep from crying, but fails miserably and just looks off to the side. I'm taken off guard. Soda hardly ever cries, and when he does, he doesn't sob kinda cry, just gentle, silent tears run down his face that he can't fight. I remember mom telling me once that sometimes even the toughest man in the world can't help but cry because so many things pile up and all you need is one straw to break you down.  
  
Dad had added, "Besides, girls like sensitive guys."  
  
"When you're in that jail...er, no, wait...you're still just 15...when you're in that JD center, I just want you to do one thing for me. Don't remember me the way the world has forced me to be...remember me hittin' on girls with Dallas, or kissing Sandy behind that tree....remember me hugging you at night when you had nightmares, and never let yourself get mad at the world. Because even though you feel like the world turned its back on you, it was actually you who turned your back on the world."  
  
Soda stops and looks over at me, fighting back more warrior tears, "If you'll do that for me, than I'll remember you young and carefree too."  
  
"Darry says that it may be better for you to be there, anyways, 'cause we can come see you mostly whenever we want. Not that I'm saying it's a good thing. No, you pretty much screwed up your whole life in one lethal bullet."  
  
I remember that day with the Soc's, but God, it seems forever ago. Over by that water fountain, that's where Dally and Johnny's life had ended. They'd both been killed because of a damn drive-through movie.  
  
He's right. Soda deserves to know what happened. I breath in, than out, trying to get my thoughts together. I decide to start from the day I met Kayla.  
  
"Kayla was so damn pretty, you know that, Sodapop. She had Sandy's eyes and figure, and they smiled just the same. So you should know what it's like to fall into a girl that pretty."  
  
Soda shrugs.  
  
"Anyway, I had just broken up with Sarah about a week before than. You remember Sarah, right? She had that great knack for cooking and Darry liked her real well 'cause when we set a study date, we'd actually study. But she was too involved in school and all like that, so I had to break it off, ya know?"  
  
I stop and look at Sodapop, who just shrugs.  
  
"I'd been missin' her real bad, but that didn't seem to matter when I saw Kayla. So I went over to her and asked her what she was doing. She whispered, "shut up, quiet down!" So I did. Than she said, "Do you smoke, I mean, other than just cigarettes? Ever tried pot?" And I said, "No." And she mumbled, "Do you want to?" And I said, "Not on my to-do list" and she laughed and said, "It wasn't on mine, either, 'til I tried it. Come on, you look stressed. This'll calm you down real fast, guaranteed or your money back!"  
  
"I said I wasn't stressed, and she said, "Aren't you that kid who killed that soc last year? That had to be stressful!" And I said, "Yeah, it was." Remembering how I'd felt when Johnny's head had sunk into those pillows as the life drained from him. "So, just try it. What do you have to lose?" I thought real hard and said, "Absolutely everything. Aren't those addicting?" And she shook her head. "Most drugs are, but not Marijuana. Just try it. If you do, I'll let you take me out to dinner Friday night." And I had said, "How nice of you!" And she handed me the smoke, and I just sort of...took it."  
  
Soda cringed.  
  
"I don't know what happened after that. It's all kinda blurry; especially since I spent half of that time too high to realize what was goin' on. But Kayla lied to me. She'd said they weren't addicting, and they were. So when Blake said that I should kill her, I wasn't going to. But than it occurred to me that she had to have her punishment. So I did. And I'll never be able to recall just what I was thinking as I pulled the trigger. Because it was temporary insanity. You know, we could plead that in court. You think we should try?  
  
Soda shrugs.  
  
"Stop shruggin', Soda, that's not an answer." I say. 


	25. Confessions of Love

Chapter 25 (Ok, I realize most people have all but forgotten about this fic, but one of my new-years resolutions was to finish what I start, and I decided to start that with this story. so, yeah. please Review)  
  
Soda slowly smiles. I don't think I've ever seen him smile that way. His eyes don't seem the same. Actually, his whole manner seems different. Watching him now, I feel like he's aged 20 years... Like he's finally growing up.  
  
I would give anything to go back, to undo everything I did. It seems all wrong now, it's almost like I knew the sky was gray, but I refused to accept it. I just kept trying to find ways to color it back in yellow. But the Marijuana just made it darker.  
  
My thoughts are broken by the sirens. Soft at first, but slowly getting closer. Soda hears them too, and he immediately begins looking around. Sure enough, in no time at all the Cop car pulls into the park. Soda's eyes get real big, but he doesn't budge.  
  
"Excuse me, sir, you wouldn't happen to know a Mr. Ponyboy Curtis or Mr. Keith Matthews?"  
  
Soda doesn't say a word.  
  
"Sir? This is really important. There was a murder of a Ms...uh..." The man searches through the papers he's holding until he comes up with a name. "Ms. Kayla Clarkson. Do you know anything about it?"  
  
Soda quickly blinks and says, "Uh...maybe...I uh...who reported the murder?" He finally concludes.  
  
The man eyes Soda coldly and responds, "Her sister, Sandy Clarkson, she reported it. She was standing in the hallway and saw the whole thing happen. Do you know anything about it?" He repeats.  
  
Soda's whole body tightens. Breathing in real deep, he finally manages, "Yeh, I know him. I mean them."  
  
The man stands silently, waiting for Soda to finish.  
  
"But sir, I...I know that they didn't do it." I feel myself relax a little. At least Soda is trying to get me out of this, even if he won't succeed.  
  
The man smiles, clearly amused. "Sir, the young lady saw it happen with her own two eyes. I think she would know what happened, and she has no reason to lie to us. Now please, if you know these two, please tell me where they are."  
  
Sodapop breaths in deep again, and I can tell he's forcing himself to do this.  
  
"But sir...I know... I KNOW they didn't do it... I did. I killed Kayla."  
  
His words hit me hard. I want to tell the Cop the truth, but I don't know how, I can't seem to find the right words.  
  
The man's eyes get wide, and he gently says, "Sir, if there's anyone you're trying to cover for here, you shouldn't do it. It's not worth it. Sandy swore it was them, and she saw it happen. Now, please, sir, reconsider what you're saying..." Soda's voice breaks in, "I don't care what Sandy said, she's wrong. Ponyboy didn't do anything. Damn, he's only 15 years old. And Two-bit...er...Keith... he wouldn't hurt a fly! I did it. And that's the truth."  
  
The cop's silent for a minute, studying Soda and hoping he can see inside him...hoping to find proof he's lying. But than he nods and opens Soda's car door. "Alright, sir, than I'll take you into the station, just in case." He slaps the cuffs on Soda's wrists and leads him to the Cop car, leaving me only with the command to stay were I am. It's not long before I'm questioned and they discover I'm Ponyboy. They put the cuffs on my real tight, as opposed to Soda's, which are barely on there at all.  
  
On the way to the police station, I simply glare at Soda, my eyes pleading for me once more...but this time they are pleading an apology.  
  
Soda, as though reading my mind, says, "It's alright, Ponyboy. I'll take care of this." 


	26. 12 years

Chapter 26 (Yep, yep, yep! This is from Soda's POV. I wouldn't have changed it, but this is a vital part of the story and Ponyboy isn't there.)  
  
My mind is flooded with the pain of the past few months. Ponyboy, my little brother..... I'm going to get him out of this. I have to.  
  
She walks in slowly, looking around cautiously until I call out to her. "Thank God, Soda. I thought I'd never find you...and being surrounded by all these criminals...it's kinda scary."  
  
Her eyes are red with dark circles underneath, and I know she hasn't been sleeping. Naw, she's been crying instead. "Sandy! You're finally here. I only have five minutes left, where've you been?"  
  
She shrugs. "Soda, what did you want to see me for? I'm kinda in a hurry."  
  
After a deep breath, I manage, "I want you to tell them Pony and Two-bit didn't do it. I want you to tell them I did it."  
  
Sandy laughs. "Yeh, right...now why would I do that?"  
  
"It's not so crazy! Just listen, first off, Pony's not a bad guy. You know that. You know he's not going to hurt anybody else, and you know that he only hurt Kayla 'cause she ruined his life."  
  
She laughs again. "I'd hardly call killing someone 'hurting.'"  
  
"You owe me, Sandy. You killed me inside and you owe me for that. If you just tell them I did it, I'll forgive you. I'll never mention it again, I'll do whatever you want, darlin', just do this for me, please. You used to say you loved me. Was that a lie?"  
  
Sandy shakes her head.  
  
"Than prove it. Because sleeping with another guy isn't love, Sandy. Do this for the love we used to have. Please, I'm begging you. I'll do anything, just do this for me, baby."  
  
Sandy sighs. "Soda, how do you expect me to explain to them why I didn't just tell them that in the first place? It'll make no sense..."  
  
"Tell them you didn't want me to get into trouble."  
  
"What was your motive?"  
  
"I was mad at her for addicting my brother and mad at you for sleeping around. I would've killed you both, but I didn't have the guts."  
  
"I don't know, Soda... I just..."  
  
She has to say yes. "Sandy, honey, PLEASE..."  
  
"Why? Why do you want to be blamed for this? It's crazy, Sodapop! You don't deserve it...it's not right!"  
  
I'd anticipated this question, and I knew how to answer. "Pony's still in school. He's making terrific grades and he's going to go to college. His future's so much brighter than mine... so much more meaningful... I would rather him have that than anything."  
  
She shuts her eyes real tight. "Ok. I'll cover you for Ponyboy."  
  
"What about Two-bit? Will you cover him too?"  
  
Sandy's eyes get real big. "Oh, you don't know... er...Soda I don't know how to tell you this but... He just lost too much blood...Two-bit's dead."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Ponyboy's POV~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The ground is hard and cold. I look around me, not comprehending that this is where I'll be for the majority of the rest of my life. One cheap bunk- bed, a sink and a toilet. No friends, family, jokes or anything. I have the majority of the rest of my life to regret pulling the trigger.  
  
I want to start all over again. If I could have one more chance, I know I could do it. I promise myself that I would mind Darry, and get along with Steve. I'd do anything, if I could just start this all over again...  
  
A large guard is walking down the jail-rooms. Stopping outside mine, my roommate pipes, "you out already?" I shake my head. He says, "well, it sure ain't me. I've got another 4 years, at least."  
  
Nonetheless, the guard opens our jail cell door and says, "Ponyboy Curtis?" I nod. "You're out, buddy."  
  
I can't believe it! "Uh, are you sure?" He nods. "But...how?"  
  
"Apparently that girl finally admitted that her ex-lover did it. It a long story, yours is. It's all over the news! The guy who did it's got 12 years jail time at the least."  
  
I freeze. I literally can't move. "Uh, that boy, the one you called her 'ex-lover.', his name Sodapop?"  
  
He nods. 


	27. Going Home

-Chapter 27 (Uh...yeah... this is the next chapter. Yep, right here. Isn't that a surprise? AREN'T YOU SURPRISED??? I'll bet you didn't expect to find the next chapter on this page labeled "Chapter 27," but here it is. Now you can sleep tonight knowing that this IS INDEED the next chapter... so enjoy and REVIEW!!!)  
  
I walk home slowly, still not believing...Sodapop... the one who kept everyone smiling all the time, the one you can't go anywhere with without some girl hitting on him, the one who comforted me after my nightmares, and the only one who could help me calm down when mom and dad died. Soda's the only one who really knows me good... He's my best friend ever...  
  
And now he's in prison for 12 years for something I DID! Soda never smoked Marijuana a day in his life, and he sure as hell didn't kill Kayla! So why was he willing to take the blame for it?  
  
"Steve?" Darry calls when I walk in. He's in the kitchen cooking dinner. "What was the verdict on Soda?"  
  
I walk in the kitchen slowly. "No, Dar, it's me." Darry turns around and glares at me with genuine hate in his eyes.  
  
I say, "Darry, they think that Soda did it. I don't know why they think that! I didn't tell them that at all, though...I think Sandy told them so. I don't know how come she would, if anything he should be mad at her rather than her mad at him, but you know how she is..." At this point I'm just talking to fill the empty spaces in this house. There's so much hatred glaring from Darry's eyes. What's worse than that, though, is that I know why he's mad and I agree. I hate me, too.  
  
"Darry... please Dar, I'm real sorry, but please PLEASE say something..."  
  
Darry turns back to the stove and mumbles, "Ponyboy, you're going to have to get the hell away from me right now or I'm liable to kill you. And don't think I'm joking, I'm dead serious. Get. Out."  
  
I turn to go, than stop. "Darry, I've been told everything I should've done differently. Can you tell me what do you want me to do now that I've messed up everything else? Is there anything I can do to make this better?"  
  
Darry slams the pan against the stove, still refusing to look at me again. "Ponyboy... You just really don't get it. You've managed to ruin everything I pulled together! Do you have any idea how hard it was for a 20 year old to get custody of his 2 teenage brothers? Have you ever stopped to think about how much work I've done to keep us together? You always complain that I work too much; well that's what brings in the dough, little man. It puts food on the table, clothes on your back and a roof over your head. I didn't get here by apologies or trying to make my mistakes better. I just didn't make mistakes! PERIOD!" He stops and leans hard on the counter, his head down in attempt to keep me out of eyeshot. He breathes in deep.  
  
"Just once something should go my way. Every day people win lotteries or get promotions, SOMETHING to show the world is on their side! Me? I get you." He shakes his head slowly. "Ponyboy, there's something you should know. When the agent said he didn't approve of the arrangement we had... when he said you had to go live in a children's home, at first I panicked. But after a while, I was kinda relieved. Soda, he's no trouble at all. He's working and...well... the guy's always smiling! But you..."  
  
I don't let him finish. "With me it's harder, right? I'm always getting into trouble... I'm never perfect enough for you. Yeah, Dar, I know. You've given enough hints for me to know who you like best, and it sure ain't Mickey Mouse!" Darry closes his eyes tight, remembering Twobit's love for Mickey. Now he's dead, and that's my fault, too.  
  
Darry looks up at me completely worn out, like a shirt with too many holes in it to ever be worn again. The hate drains from his eyes. "That's not it, Ponyboy. The fact is that every time something happened to you... like that night you stayed out so late..."  
  
"And you hit me..."  
  
Darry rolls his eyes, but says, "And I hit you. Whenever you mess up, I feel like I'm the reason, like I can't take care of you. You're so smart and have so much going for you. Truth is when I look at you now, I know it's my fault. I wasn't relieved because I was tiered of dealing with you, I was worn out from trying to push you to be all you can be. I know this may be hard for you to believe, but every now and than I'm just set on getting through the day. Sometimes that in itself is a miracle. I thought you needed someone to give you everything I can't..."  
  
The screen door shots open, and Steve comes barreling in. "Darry, Ponyboy's out and Soda's in. It's all over the news! But what's even worse...Soda was on TV telling exactly how and why he killed her!"  
  
A/N (sorry about the first part, I'm just tiered. Ignore me when I say stuff like that... =) 


End file.
